How Do You Pick a Church?

So, how do you pick a church to join? For the first time since we were newlyweds 34 years ago, Judy and I have to choose a church to attend. Since the second year of our marriage, we have chosen churches because they chose me to be their minister. For over 30 years I've watched as people chose to join our church or chose not to...or chose to leave us for another church. Now we find ourselves on the other side of those experiences and conversations.

The question for us is not just "What church should we join?" The more important question is "How will we make that decision?"

For years I've listened to all sorts of reasons why people made their choices--and many of the reasons were pretty common: We like the preaching (or we don't). We like the music (or we don't). We like the youth and children's programs (or we don't). There are people our age or in our life situation (or there aren't). The people seemed very friendly when we visited (or they didn't). The leaders hold to certain doctrinal positions important to me (or they don't).

If it sounds somewhat self-centered and consumerist, that's because it is. And everyone knows it. Americans shop for churches the way we shop for everything else in a privileged society where exactly what we want can usually be found at some store/mall/restaurant/theater/club somewhere in town.

That's not to say that all those reasons for selecting a church are completely without merit. It does make some difference if we share important beliefs with our church family (though perhaps not as much as we sometimes think). The weekly worship experience is an important part of spiritual life for many people (even if there is little Biblical support for the overemphasis placed on Sunday services in churches of almost all kinds). Most parents naturally are going to care about what the church offers for their children (even if it's far more important what goes on at home than what happens at church). And as someone who preached for 30 years, I'd like to think that good, thoughtful, informed, effective preaching makes an impact on those who listen to it every week (even if what we call preaching doesn't bear too much resemblance to the preaching of Jesus and the prophets).

And I will say that the temptation to make a consumer-like decision has proven powerful. For the last 10 years we've had small groups in our home mostly made up of people young enough to be our kids--it would be nice to have more friends our age. As a former preacher who was trained fairly well in theological studies, I've been strongly advised to be careful about which preacher I will have to listen to every week--and I can understand that advice. I am deeply committed to more equality for women in church, which I think is something the Bible teaches--so I'd like to find a church that shares that belief (only once have we been part of a church that truly shared that conviction, and I'd like to experience that again). And I confess that I'm drawn to church music that I'm...well, drawn to--music does connect at a heart level.

But we decided up front that we would not make this decision based on what church service we like or where we feel most comfortable. We will try to make this decision based on mission--on where we can best continue to follow Jesus on the journey we've been travelling. We want to listen for a sense of calling--a sense that we are needed and will have a purpose (something like the way we tried to decide which churches to serve in ministry). We want to go where we can make a difference. We want to be part of a church that can help us continue to live missionally and where we can help others to do the same.

And so we're asking more questions about the church's understanding of mission than doctrine. We're more concerned about what they are doing for the poor than what they are doing for their members. We're more interested in where and how they are called to serve than in how they conduct their services.

Over the years, I don't remember very many prospective members asking me those questions. I wonder how different churches would be if that is what members were asking of leaders, rather than looking for better preaching, better music, and better children's programs.

If we have to choose, we want to choose a church based on the more important questions, rather than one that has the other things we'd like. It's probably more in keeping with the way of the cross if we choose a church that doesn't have stuff we like, but is really on mission with Jesus.

But it would nice if we find both.